the world in my head.

2011-05-02T00:07:00.002+08:00

The love of God

The love of God is greater far
Than tongue or pen can ever tell
It goes beyond the highest star
And reaches to the lowest hell
The guilty pair, bowed down with care
God gave His Son to win
His erring child He reconciled
And pardoned from his sin

Could we with ink the ocean fil
And were the skies of parchment made
Were every stalk on earth a quill
And every man a scribe by trade

To write the love of God above
Would drain the ocean dry
Nor could the scroll contain the whol
Though stretched from sky to sky

Hallelujah

O love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure
The saints' and angels' song

我的心

我的心,你要称颂耶和华,不可忘记他的恩惠.
他赦免你一切过犯罪孽,医冶你疾病复原.

我的心,你要称颂耶和华.不可忘记他的恩惠.
他以仁爱慈悲为你冠冕,为受屈的人伸冤.

天离地有何等的高,他的慈爱有何等的深,

东离西有多么的远,他使我的过犯离我也多远,
耶和华有怜悯的爱,且有丰盛无尽的恩典,

从亘古直到永远,耶和华是我的神.

2011-02-21T21:34:00.001+08:00

My God Reigns
Abundant Life Ministries

I have a hope so sure
An anchor for my soul
My peace in the worst of times
I trust in God alone

Let every voice declare it now

My God reigns
His love will never fail me
My God reigns – He’s ruling over all
In all my Life
In every situation I know
My God is greater
My God is over all

By faith I have believed
And on this truth I stand
No power in life or death
Can take me from His hand

Let every voice declare it now

My God reigns
His love will never fail me
My God reigns – He’s ruling over all
In all my Life
In every situation I know
My God is greater
My God is over all

Above all sickness, above all fear
Above every heartache here
In earth and heaven
My God reigns

Above all power, above all thrones
The greatest love I’ve ever known
Today, forever, my God reigns

2011-01-06T02:51:00.000+08:00

I really really want to watch this!!

Yesterday

2010-12-31T16:00:00.001+08:00

Yesterday (Read this!)

2010... what a year (:

2010-12-09T21:39:00.002+08:00

Habits

Chapter 1- I walk down a street. There is a hole on the sidewalk. i didn't see it. i fall into it. it is not my fault and i can't get out.

Chapter 2- I walk down a street. There is a hole on the sidewalk. i see it. i fall into it. it is still not my fault and i can't get out.

Chapter 3- I walk down a street. There is a hole on the sidewalk. i see it. i fall into it. it is my fault. But i still can't get out.

Chapter 4- I walk down the same street. There is a hole on the sidewalk. i see it. i walk around it.

Chapter 5- I walk down another street.

this was something Bishop Bronner shared when he came last weekend and it just got stuck in my mind. habits are hard things to break. take away the H and there's still ABIT of it. take away the A and there's still that BIT of it. take away the B and IT is still there. then take away I and that's where you break IT and come to T...which really is the cross of Jesus Christ.

2010-11-29T23:52:00.000+08:00

Do it anyway.

"People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway."

Mother Teresa

2010-11-29T22:25:00.001+08:00

Love it :)

2010-11-01T11:45:00.002+08:00

i miss peck
it makes my heart ache
i hate my nose
its running like a hose
i feel like ponning school
and jumping into a pool
thoughts are swimming around in my head
guess this means my brain is not really dead
words are just tumbling, tumbling out of a need
to make their marks on this post that probably no one would read
sometimes i think i might be going insane
but i know God still loves me all the same

2010-10-20T01:45:00.002+08:00

Alabaster Jar
Gateway Worship

This alabaster jar is all i have of worth
I break it at Your feet, Lord
It's less than You deserve

You're far more beautiful
More precious than the oil
The sum of my desires and the fullness of my joy.

This time that i have left is all i have of worth
I lay it at Your feet, Lord
It's less than You deserve

Though i've little strength
Though my days are few
You gave Your life for me so i will live my life for You.

2010-10-17T11:08:00.002+08:00

Recess Week musings

it's recess! that's really all there is on my mind right now. peripherally.

oh and i got accepted into my industrial attachment company without an interview even though it is listed as an interviewing company. when i got the email i was frantically scrolling up and down looking for my interview date but the email was suspiciously short and lacking in detail...until i read the very important first line that i skipped in my anxious frenzy. it says "We are pleased to inform you that you've been selected by so and so company without interview". well, they didn't write WITHOUT. they wrote "without" :p i was really shocked, surprised and there was only one strong thought in my mind, really- God, this has got to be You. i was just praying in the morning on the very same day and i told God- Father, even though i'm a little worried cos' most of my friends have already received their interview dates and i haven't heard anything, i trust in You and wherever You're going to put me Lord, i'll just go.

i don't know lar...i think God is amazing. even though He's so big, He's never too far away to hear every worry and cry of our hearts and when we pray, He listens. there's just this assurance and peace in my heart that tells me even if things go wrong in life or the sky falls down or whatever, the God i know is here with me and i can stand safe in the palm of His hand. it's something that no self-improvement book or any amount of positive-thinking, brainwashing or self-psychoing can give.

2010-09-26T23:38:00.002+08:00

You know sometimes there are moments in life when you meet someone and you just want to pour out your entire gut on the walkway with intestines and organs all laid bare? like there is just a dam inside waiting to burst open and crumble the walls that are holding everything in. feelings are... beautiful most of the time. but sometimes they can be such a pain.

2010-09-11T11:12:00.002+08:00

Write me another one

i'm supposed to be understanding my lecture notes right now but a certain inertia has caused me to gravitate towards something else. it's a waste to spend a rare free saturday morning on chemistry anyway...there are finer things in life to be doing.

anyhow, after meeting Mong and YY yesterday morning i realised how much i miss writing...not writing for the sake of recording and casting things in ink but just writing because i want to and i love to. looking back at my journal entries i'm sometimes amazed with the magic and rubbish that were penned in those pages. they made me ask lots of questions.... was that me? who am i? why? and it just hit me...i don't write like that anymore. what i write now... gives me nothing to ask. i think somewhere along the way i've lost that part of myself within me. maybe it's been shoved into some reclusive corner of my soul and overtime, without any visits, it has become forgotten. it's a really different feeling to write when you don't really know where you're going, the vision isn't really clear and you are not quite sure where you'll end up...but you just keep going anyway...with each word comes a new sentence and then another and it just goes on. i guess i miss that feeling. and that freedom. it makes me bold and fills me with faith.

i'd just like to turn around and visit that forgotten corner again. to touch that wondrous brilliance that is writing.

2010-09-03T22:49:00.002+08:00

i survived the first week of school after a long hiatus of 4 months in which the absolute lack of any connection to all that is chemistry resulted in a much needed jolt of my brain to get back in action. anyhow, i'm now learning to build the framework and structure of my schedule and to build layer upon layer of rhythmic living. seriously need to get into the rhythm and momentum of doing this. suddenly in this final semester, i get the feeling that i've been studying and sitting for exams my whole life...which isn't really far from the truth.

i really want to experiment (nothing to do with chemistry, pun not intended) right now because walking the tried and tested route might most probably lead to a mid-life crisis.

2010-08-23T00:37:00.008+08:00

Lord, in the Fullness of My Might

Thomas H. Gill

Lord, in the fullness of my might,
I would for Thee be strong:
While runneth o’er each dear delight,
To Thee should soar my song.

I would not give the world my heart,
And then profess Thy love;
I would not feel my strength depart,
And then Thy service prove.

I would not with swift wingèd zeal
On the world’s errands go,
And labor up the heavenly hill
With weary feet and slow.

O not for Thee my weak desires,
My poorer, baser part!
O not for Thee my fading fires,
The ashes of my heart!

O choose me in my golden time:
In my clear joys have part!
For Thee the glory of my prime,
The fullness of my heart!

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose."
Jim Elliot

2010-08-17T19:07:00.006+08:00

Life in still frames...more or less.

2010-08-12T15:10:00.003+08:00

wow.

2010-08-06T00:21:00.004+08:00

I belong to a theatre of dreams and a home for dreamers of the big and the bold.

Festival Of Praise 2010 Intro Video done by Heart of God Church!

Every video footage and photographic shot was taken by our video team and the music was played by our Worship Team. Every pixel, every grain, every note. MADE IN HOGC.
and the pple in it are actually our friends how cool is that!

FOP 2010 Item video proudly done by HOGC! all frames are individually shot!

Spot me haha :p

2010-07-28T02:42:00.000+08:00

I GOT MY KEYBOARD!!!! :D

2010-07-21T12:26:00.003+08:00

In times like these, we will not fight because violence is not the answer.
In times like these, we will not flee because it's a coward's hope for things to get better.

In times like these, we STAND. With a strength that will not waver.

2010-07-20T01:14:00.003+08:00

i really really really HAVE to watch this!!!
Harry Potter 7 is coming!! can't believe it's going to be the final instalment so SOON!!! i mean, our generation practically grew up with it. i first watched Sorceror's Stone as an oblivious sec. one student and it was my mom who actually brought us to see it. and to think right now, the entire phenomenon is going to be over in a matter of months.

Harry Potter is a really powerful movie beyond all the great effects and magic. Pastor Lia said it's about a youth who changed his world. who says young people cannot do great things.

and terri is BACK from Switzerland! she got us enough chocolates to last a month if we ate some everyday! to celebrate her return, we went to our usual makan place! and then to settlers. can't wait till xinyi comes back and everyone can see each other again (:

2010-07-16T01:33:00.002+08:00

The Winds of Fate
Ella Wheeler Wilcox

One ship drives east and another drives west
With the selfsame winds that blow.
'Tis the set of the sails,
And Not the gales,
That tell us the way to go.

Like the winds of the sea are the ways of fate;
As we voyage along through life,
'Tis the set of a soul
That decides its goal,
And not the calm or the strife.

2010-06-14T10:31:00.015+08:00

10 Days in 日本

ok i know this is WAY overdue but how many of you know that to make one good complete blog entry with all the details and itty gritty things faithfully typed out complete with accompanying visuals take quite abit of effort? Hokkaido and Tokyo were a blast but nothing beats coming back home. it's strange cos i've never looked forward to coming back from a holiday so much before. i guess its cos when you've found a reason and purpose to hold you here, you won't give it up in exchange for anything else.

FOOD first!

Hokkaido has the freshest spread of seafood EVER! we had seafood almost everyday- salmon sashimi, tuna sashimi, prawn sashimi, scallops. its a total seafood galore. the food there is so fresh and real! the rice is super fragrant, the corn in really sweet and the cherry tomatoes are just yummy! every meal is a joy to eat. no wonder we all gained weight. my mom even bought home a 2-kg packet of rice -.- but i suppose it's worth the effort cos the best rice in Japan are kept in Japan so those found in Isetan or other Jap supermarkets here are of lower grades thats why they are willing to export them. the rice beads are like pearls- shiny and round. except they are not hard like pearls and can be eaten yummy!

Flowers!

Hokkaido is BIG on flowers and all things green. Even on ordinary streets they have the prettiest flowers and they are all neatly arranged in nice prim and proper rows. something i've learnt about Japan is that its a neurotically organised and systematic country. even the flowers have their allocated parameters and ordered arrangement of growth. we went to a flower farm called Farm Tomita and Mom was practically in flower heaven, spending time dwelling in the presence of her favourite things in the history of creation.

Landscape

Hokkaido also has one of the most incredible and breath-taking landscapes i've ever seen (ok i haven't seen a lot to be honest). the vast amount of faming land is rather impressive for a relatively small country like Japan. i love Hokkaido's landscape. endless fields of green with random little houses scattered here and there. the rows in the padi fields are neat like you wouldn't believe. maybe they used rulers and protractors to plant their crops. and the water in the fields are so still it looks like a piece of transparent glass... its as if you can just lift up the entire layer. along the way we saw school kids having a school trip down to the fields. they really get down on their knees and soak their all fours in the mud to learn.

Toilets!!

I have to blog about their toilets. they are absolutely amazing. i suspect Japan's vision is to be the most considerate country in the world. it's true what everybody says and everybody else hears. their toilet bowls are high-tech. each toilet bowl comes equipped with a panel of buttons on the right. every bowl has a bidet system (water-spraying system for butt washing purposes). and there will be at least 3 buttons on the panel- start, stop and a knob to control the (get this) water pressure of the spray. i mean.... what??! my favourite feature has got to be the seat warmer. in a cold chilly place like Hokkaido, having to put your bare butt on an icy cold slab of plastic to do your business is no pleasant encounter. but hey! seat warmers save the day! you can sit down in comfort because your toilet seat is warm. its one of the best feelings in the world. on top of that, if you are embarrassed that you pee too loud, just press a button you will hear the sound of a waterfall instead of your own pee. cool huh. they even have a child seat in the cubicle for moms! now all they need is to throw in a couple of magazines and newspapers and nobody would ever want to come out after they've gone in.

All right. So that's Japan... Meanwhile, life is crazy busy! there's so much happening i don't know where to start. Zone camp next week yay! we're going out of singapore haha but its just to JB. but i'm just really thankful to be in G zone cos it means we can sleep on proper beds. i'm really excited being the camp IC. it's going to be amazing! can barely wait for revival nights...lives are going to be transformed i know it. and right after i'll be playing keyboard for YYC! haven't really practised enough yet so i'm going to pract in church tomorrow. rarrrr! but i really can't wait to see the kids worshipping. there's just something about children being able to connect with God that leaves you in speechless awe and wonder.

things are not going well for Christianity here in general. until now, i've never really realised the significance of having only one newspaper here. one voice, one side of the story. it isn't really journalism anymore, right? i mean, how fair is it to anyone that you take 10seconds out of a 1 hour plus sermon and show it to people and get their opinions based on that 10 seconds to make a full-fledged stand? who would want their own stories to be told in the same way? would you?

as long as you show the public the full, complete, raw deal as what it originally was, and let them decide for themselves what they feel and think, i don't have a problem. isn't this the original way of journalism. tell it like it is. not in the way you want it to be heard or told.

i don't care about the pro or anti sides. just gimme the truth anyday.

2010-04-27T00:25:00.001+08:00

hey shorty.

guess what...my brother and sister are now both taller than me so i'm like the shortest amongst us. never thought there'd be this day but it has come hahaha. finally i get a different label.

2010-04-19T00:48:00.006+08:00

We will run, altogether our hearts aflame.

once again, i find myself back on the same ground that has held strong (and will definitely continue to hold strong) everytime i lose hope, everytime my faith takes a dip, everytime i feel like dropping out and giving up. today, i find myself looking at the reason why i chose to have Jesus in my life and lifting my eyes up to heavens to thank God for having found me. Because from the day He stretched out His Hand and i took it, i knew where i was running to.

it's been what.... one year and a little more? seems pretty short in view of a lifetime. but i cannot even begin to articulate or express all that has changed, has happened, has been experienced in my life since the very day i first stepped into Heart of God church and opened up the door Jesus has been knocking on for the past 20 years. when i look back and see how far God has taken me, it just fills me with such faith and expectancy in knowing that no matter what, the future is going to be...mind-blowing.

Garrett preached an extremely powerful message today. He preached about the race of life. We often feel that beginnings are important...but in a race there's a more important line than the starting one- that's the finishing line. In life, what matters more than how we all start is how we finish. Through the Bible, we find great men of God, kings of cities and empires, who all ran the same race of life but finished in such vastly different ways. One failed to finish, one barely finished and scraped through but the last- King David- he finished well. Because King David lived out the full destiny God had for him from the moment he started his race.

I've ran so many times through my primary school, secondary school (exceptionally many for this one) and jc days but not once have i ever thought about the significance of finishing. to me it was always- yay finally whoo i hate running so glad it's over. only at the recent Great Eastern run did i get a revelation that... this race that Terri and I were running was like a microcosm of life itself. we started out excited, a little unsure if we were going to last but still wanting to see if we would and could. along the way we passed many people and many people passed us by too. then we began to get tired and weary, our legs grew heavy our body felt sluggish and so we slowed down and walked. after a while our heart would tell us to try for a little more and we would start picking up speed and momentum again. this repeated for a few episodes until we saw the beautiful sign that read "1 KM more". suddenly we weren't out of breath, the aches and pains didn't matter anymore, nothing did except the desire to get to where it made us start out on this race in the first place.

the end is a photo in my mind- Great Eastern's big wide banner overhead, the number-tagged back of the runners before us, the blasting loud music of Black-Eyed Peas, the sea of strangers just cheering and clapping for all who were crossing the finishing line. And just a few metres before we finished, there's this inexpicable euphoria that came bursting out of nowhere to propel us forward to bring us just that little bit closer and with a big stupid grin on my face, i ran right into the moment.

At the end of this life, I want to finish the same way- with the saints and angels cheering, with the trumpets and harps...the works. but beyond all that, what i want most is to see the familiar faces of friends and family who have finished their race too. and we'll all be sweaty and stinky but we'll give each other the biggest and tightest hugs in the world and tell each other with the widest smiles on our faces and the happiest tears in our eyes- it's great to see you again, my friend.

Paul said in 2 Timothy 4:7- "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith".

2010-04-17T01:46:00.002+08:00

this song is actually quite nice. so is the weather right now. rainy nights are made for staying at home and crawling under the covers (:

2010-04-16T11:10:00.001+08:00

Should i get this?? should i should i should i. sigh.
Yamaha PSR-E323

2010-04-09T22:36:00.005+08:00

baby come back to me.

ok i'm not usually someone who says such icky cheesy disgusting gut-curdling stuff but my phone is back! AND AND AND!! guess what haha God's blessing are great in all areas of life and nothing is too trivial for Him when He cares bout how many strands of hair we have on our heads. because...my Samsung B7320 got installed with the new apps and progs of the newer B7330!! and i didnt even pay a single cent for the warranty!!! woohoo :D

on a much more sombre (and totally unrelated) note, exams are drawing suffocatingly near. sigh. and so the all-too-familiar cycle repeats itself again like the morphing of a larvae into a mosquito. (don't ask me why it just came to my mind ok...is it pupa or larvae. whatever.)

well i really should be sleeping now. but before i go, i wanna blog about JOHN BEVERE! the amazingly annointed man who came to speak at our church last weekend. you know how sometimes you can literally physically feel something different about a person and you know in the deepest recesses of your gut that the feeling is not self-halluncination or anything along those lines? well, this man is IT. he's a man of God through and through because you can just feel the hand of God on this man's life.

2010-04-05T22:52:00.002+08:00

Handphones can't swim.

sigh. i thought it'd never happen to me but it did- i dropped my phone in the toilet bowl :( and now i've to make do with a primitive Samsung that keeps telling me the SIM card memory is full so it vomitted a quarter of my contacts out.

i think... it's time to get my academic life in order.

2010-03-17T23:37:00.002+08:00

the wait is going to kill me.

Nodame Cantabile Movie Part 2! in another 3 months (??!!!)

yes i did it. i watched Nodame! if you ask me what's so nice about this show, i probably won't be able to tell you succintly in a simple sentence to encapsulate the entirety of my complete answer. if you know the purpose of music here on earth, you'll understand why this show is so bloody fantastic. that's an understatement, actually.

this movie...the entire Nodame Cantabile anime/manga series, to be precise, will make you wanna go sit in the audience of a full orchestra somewhere in a culturally-rich part of Europe and just be there to take in everything. Nodame tells me what music is made for. Music serves a higher and greater purpose than just entertainment, helping to keep one occupied while passing time, background accompaniment to songs, setting the mood and atmosphere to a certain social context...whatever.

Music takes your mind to places where your body cannot go. Music is made as an expression of worship. Music makes your heart beat faster, makes you cry, makes you know that you're given feelings for a reason.

anyway, while i was marvelling at the beautiful interior architecture of the orchestra hall in the movie i had a thought- if something man-made can be so breath-takingly captivating, what would Heaven look like?

2010-03-13T02:36:00.003+08:00

Finally, the dry spell of not catching a movie ended with Alice. for a Tim Burton production the show was wonderfully...mediocre. i expected more...i hope he hasn't lost his much-ness. anyhow, am i the only person who thinks that Mia Wasikowska (who plays Alice) looks like Gwyneth Paltrow???

2010-03-09T16:24:00.001+08:00

say what you mean. and mean what you say.

2010-03-06T00:31:00.002+08:00

Warm love from a cold place :))

Dear Terri,

I miss you...very very very much. even though we don't see each other excessively often since uni started, your letter just made the million miles of geographical distance disappear.

Thank you so much for sending a little piece of you to me. I'll write to you soon i promise!! (how can i not haha.)

Love (in as many buckets as the snow in Berne can fill),
yueying

2010-03-04T00:44:00.001+08:00

finally!! evidence of its existence right here!

2010-02-22T23:33:00.009+08:00

how come the urge to start another blog entry always dies off right when my fingers hit the keyboard.

i think i have a lot to say..but then. i also feel like i got nothing much to say actually.

idontknowlah.

what my brain looks like

2010-02-21T02:05:00.002+08:00

The bed is beckoning but i just have to write this down to mark this point in my memory and life. Today's sermon was the most mind-blowing (literally) one yet. it binded science and faith together. and it made me realise how useless it is to use science to argue against faith because since God created everything- from the sun, moon and stars all the way to atoms, molecules and photons- it means He created science. and why would He make something to contradict the substance of His being.

Today I learnt that faith is not an illogical concept. science can explain faith. how cool is that. the world we live in is governed by the rules and formulas of chemistry (ugh.), physics (double ugh.) and Newtonian Laws. our reality is based on cause and effect, we can use formulas to explain how and why things happen. and how things will happen. because our reality is what we see. what and how we see is based on the speed of light (aka. "c") 3.8 X 10 to the power of 8 m/s. so to us, seeing is believing.

but what happens when we don't base everything we measure and perceive as reality at the speed of light? what if the speed we operate at can be faster than c? will reality still be reality? or is it relative now? this is Einstein's Theory of Relativity. and it explains faith.

picture this: i walk at 5km/h. person X walks a distance behind at 10km/h. when i turn back and look at X, he will appear bigger and nearer with time. if he walks at say 3km/h then he will appear smaller and further with time. SO. if i travel at the speed of light, person X will always appear the same in size to me no matter what speed he is travelling at.

because i will be as fast as the speed at which the light takes to travel from person X to my eyes to form an image of him for my vision.

then...what if i travel faster than the speed of light? i will never see person X.

because the speed at which the light takes to reflect off him to travel to me will never reach my eyes. so in my eyes, an image of X will never be formed. i will not see X.

but does that mean X is not there? does it mean he doesn't exist and is not real? what is reality?

How fast does God travel? At the speed of thought. He thinks it, it happens. we can't see Him moving and working but it doesn't mean nothing happened. we just can't SEE it with our own eyes at that very moment...or now. therefore, we believe first before we witness.

seeing is believing only at the speed of light. beyond that... believing is seeing. it's called faith.

2010-02-15T02:14:00.001+08:00

For all you people who are dying of boredom this CNY... have a roaring good laugh!!

2010-02-13T00:44:00.002+08:00

It's been a long day. sorta.

how often does the heart get ahead of the head? very often. after a long sms exchange with peck today, in which i finally told her the thing that was bothering me for months that i tried to run away from by ignoring but obviously it didn't work and which i cannot write down here because this is a public space, i really thank God for leaders like her... turning to friends is assuring but turning to someone a level above is REassuring.

i realised...that in terms of maturity i still have a long long way to go. i finally get the entirety of what it means to say that maturity doesn't come with age but with the acceptance of responsibilty. right now, i feel i'm still too emotional for my own good..and i really need to calm down a lot more to get things into a clearer and better perspective. somehow my heart always runs faster than my head... and it gets messy. Pst Lia said the longest distance in the world is from the head to the heart. Amen to that. :)

town was mad crowded... everyone was doing their last minute CNY shopping. i actually got a headache while shopping... must be because everyone was fighting for oxygen. i wonder how this CNY is going to be different from last year's. hmmm.

2010-02-02T00:11:00.001+08:00

Move over, Harry.

2010-01-27T23:03:00.000+08:00

Lord, i cry out to you. because i know You can hear me.

2010-01-23T02:30:00.005+08:00

hey everyone! check out my friend, Grace's, online shop! she just started it and she's selling hand-made badges :) they are really adorable-looking!

drop by at: http://www.gewwybeans.blogspot.com :D

2010-01-21T22:44:00.002+08:00

Seconds hours so many days
You know what you want but how long can you wait
Every moment lasts forever
When you feel you've lost your way

What if my chances were already gone
I started believing that I could be wrong
But you gave me one good reason
To fight and never walk away
So here I am still holding on

With every step you climb another mountain
Every breath it's harder to believe
You'll make it through the pain
Weather the hurricanes
To get to that one thing

Just when you think the road is going nowhere
Just when you almost gave up all your dreams
They take you by the hand and show you that you can
There are no boundaries

No Boundaries- Adam Lambert

2010-01-20T14:59:00.003+08:00

i now have:
1. 28% battery life left on my laptop (and it's draining at a rate of 5% per minute... running out like water even as i type each of these letters)

2. a horribly dreary and painstakingly slow lecture called Impacts of Chemistry on Society (seriously, i don't want to care) with a lecturer who speaks like this: "this is nuhh-nuhh-nuhh composition of air".

3. a stomach full of cold milo but i am too lazy to get out to go to the washroom

so. seems like a good time to start blogging...no?

once again, it feels like i'm falling behind in my core modules even though it has been only 2 weeks. but time and days in year 3 feels like fluid in the sense that there is no definite shape to them. well, much to my disappointment, my appeal to take Korean Level 1 got rejected despite my well-thought out reasons to express my great appreciation for the Korean culture in which language is one of the largest parts of its make-up. maybe i should have just wrote one imperative sentence that goes- i need to learn Korean fast because my family is migrating to there in half a year. only that would be a total lie.

i am now taking something called Intercultural Communication... which deals with language, culture and thoughts. so the big question is...what in the world has no language? nothing, no? it's just like what in the world is not chemistry?

current mood: UTTER GROUND-BREAKING BOREDOM. shoot me in the head already.

random thoughts: i really need to go to the loo.... and i really want to go on exchange to Seoul for Global Summer Studies. the sole reason being Yoido Full Gospel Church.

2010-01-16T11:25:00.002+08:00

We are all part of the show...aren't we.

Life's a dance, we all have to do
What does the music require?
People are moving together
Close as the flames in a fire
Feel the beat; music and rhyme
While there is time.

We all go round and round
Partners of lost and found
Looking for one more chance
All I know is,
We're all in the dance

Night and day, the music plays on
We are all part of the show
While we can hold on to someone
Even though life won't let us go
Feel the beat; music and rhyme
While there is time.

We all go round and round
Partners of lost and found
Looking for one more chance
All I know is,
We're all in the dance

We're All in the Dance- Feist

2010-01-14T02:28:00.001+08:00

The day when we must part, may Crescent remain in our hearts :)

-photo taken from Wenting's facebook

2010-01-08T19:21:00.001+08:00

this makes me smile...everytime.

2010-01-04T22:22:00.003+08:00

Today, i realised with a renewed sense of revelation the incredible power of the spoken word. Throughout the Bible, Jesus commanded, called, spoke, declared, said... Miracles, wonders and signs were the physical and tangible manifestations of His spoken word. He called the lame to stand, He told the blind man to see.

It was this morning as i was answering my sister's question on why prayers need to be said out loud rather than silently thought in our hearts that i learnt, as my own words formed and flowed out of my mouth, that a spoken prayer has far greater strength and fiercer faith than when kept inside of us.

2010-01-03T12:45:00.002+08:00

Lay down
Your sweet and weary head
Night is falling
You’ve come to journey's end
Sleep now
And dream of the ones who came before
They are calling
From across the distant shore

Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see
All of your fears will pass away
Safe in my arms
You're only sleeping

What can you see
On the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea
A pale moon rises
The ships have come to carry you home

And all will turn
To silver glass
A light on the water
All souls pass

Hope fades
Into the world of night
Through shadows falling
Out of memory and time

Don't say we have come now to the end
White shores are calling
You and I will meet again
And you'll be here in my arms

Just sleeping

Into the West- Annie Lennox

2010-01-01T03:36:00.001+08:00

Hello 2010 :)

2009-12-30T02:39:00.003+08:00

I see you.

this is really quite a good movie... for a show which held zero interest for me i actually enjoyed it though the excessive point-of-view shots did cause some giddiness. but the graphics were awesome.

anyway today was quite a well-spent day. got quite a lot of things done.

1. went for dental
2. met up with terri, xy and grace for brunch. teochew porridge at cheong chi nam. cheap and good. cheong chi nam looks mighty different in the day.
3. went to the most awesome F21 ever at Somerset 313. 4 frigging storeys. FOUR. grace and i queued half an hour for the dressing room but then again that was only at one level. its an F21 lover's paradise. can't believe we actually queued that long to try on clothes.
4. watched Avatar. hard to reconcile the fact that its directed by James Cameron of Titanic fame.
5. had dinner at Xin Wang Cafe. the milk tea was really good and the mee sua too. yum.

well, results were released finally and suddenly the world doesn't quite spin in the right direction and the centre of gravity has somehow shifted. but things will return to normal after a while.

random outburst:

I AM HUNGRY.

2009-12-25T23:42:00.005+08:00

Christmas Day.

i woke up at 6.30am to the dark interiors of an empty hall that is our church building, feeling the effects of having slept for barely an hour. somehow, louisa and i managed to drag our half-asleep selves to the train station, armed with board games and stuff that is just called stuff becuase to break them down in detail would be absolutely laborious.

took the bus back home this Christmas morning...where no snow flakes were falling, no bells were ringing and nobody was any different from themselves on any other day. i only haven't been home for the last 24 hours yet somehow it feels like a long time... and there's an inexplicable gladness to be standing on home ground.

christmas this year is absolutely un-christmassy. except during the countdown party where the warmth did manage to touch the heart for a small short while but towards the still hours of the early morning it was gone and fatigue was the only emotion left to be felt.

if you ask me how the process of planning the hangout was like... i would say surreal. but it stops there because there's so much left in my head to sort out. when you are the person making things happen, somehow you can't quite believe it has happened even when it has and you were there to make reality as it were.

does Christmas really have to happen only on Christmas?

2009-12-21T01:58:00.002+08:00

wow.

i just realised...that i haven't been writing for a while now. suddenly my life is kinda turned 180 degrees around. so many things are happening, so many new responsibilities in church, so much to take in and learn, so much to grow in. it's like someone just pressed the fast forward button and the film speeds up a few frames per minute... that i can only slow down and press play to go back to the normal mode of things when the day is over. sometimes i just want to take a few seconds just standing still on the spot and look out at the path in front of our house and just watch life go by... to remember the eternal beauty and simplicity of all that God created.

this season - it's the start of something new.

2009-12-12T13:16:00.000+08:00

When are they coming! when. when. when.

2009-12-05T01:23:00.005+08:00

Cos i'm free, free. all my chains are broken.

it's time to breathe in that air of freshness and embrace post-exam life with great anticipation and eagerness. oh what a glorious time to be alive! HALLELUJAH!

i am so happy and high and i don't know why why why but i can just sit here grinning widely and stupidly, from ear to ear to ear while watching the world go by and by and by.

went with NTU friends (sze, liping, steph, deqi) to celebrate by stuffing ourselves at ichiban sushi. then went walking around jp. it didn't matter we weren't at the most happening place in singapore or we didn't eat the most delicious (it was delicious enough) food because we were all walking on air, feeling like we're on cloud nine. because we're free as birds in the sky and we had each other to share the euphoria with. it was awesome. period.

after that, i went shopping with Christine the Empress at bugis and what an amusing and interesting experience that was. it was so tiring i almost died but it was so so fun. it's hard not to love spending time with her but i need time to get the energy back. then we went for zone bbq and DT's house. it's been so long since i went for a bbq! it used to be such a secondary school gathering thing. kept eating non-stop even though my stomach says i'm full but my mouth says i'm not. the guys did all the work and prepared almost everything (actually i think it is everything.) real men rising up in the house of God!

anyway this morning i got a bloody big shock of my life when i woke up suddenly and saw that it was 8.15 am. and the last paper was starting at 9am. my hands were trembling when i was brushing my teeth... but to cut the long story short (it's not a very long story anyway) i cabbed down and made it there 10 mins before the start and still had time to eat my miserable breakfast of a banana. imagine if i had woken up at 8.45...i might throw up. i learnt 2 things- one, i need to keep my phone on through the night before an important day (yes i switch it off at night usually). two, i need a new alarm clock. THANK GOD I WOKE UP.

it is now near 3 and i am still wide awake because the euphoria is keeping me up. life begins at sunrise in 5 hours' time.

2009-11-23T22:49:00.002+08:00

Revelation of the day.
Time of occurence: Dinner time
Location: dining room

Just because you cannot see or touch something doesn't mean it isn't real. Feeling it in your heart makes it as real as anything you can see and touch.

Seeing with your eyes and touching with your hand is different from seeing and feeling with your heart.

This is what faith is like.

2009-11-17T21:15:00.007+08:00

Threaded tangled thoughts

cool, rainy nights

are perfect for those random, tangled-up thoughts

the rain falling down

lets loose a flood of feelings from an unknown place

are raindrops really tears from Heaven?

and if they are, to whom do they belong?

i stretch out my hand into the night

to receive cold little dots on my skin.

what does it feel like

to stand in the rain and cry

how do you know if the wetness on your face

is sadness from within or above... or both

it's awfully quiet when it rains

because the children and dogs don't come out to play.

no japanese kids exclaiming indecipherable things in their adorable voices

the pitter-patter of water droplets - the only sign of life.

it is a funny feeling to have

but somehow the world seems to have grown

because the big engulfing blackness of the night

can swallow a tiny being like me

the night is friendlier than the day sometimes

because it has a cover i can hide under and be a part of

when reality and all its jabbing toothpicks come flying

i simply crawl under the blanket and disappear

rainy nights are good nights for thinking.

because you never know what you might find.

2009-11-13T00:28:00.002+08:00

CAKE HAVEN is at Caramel! thanks to Stepharrrrrrnie :DD and the gourmet tea there is just fantastic beyond words. Geisha and the black tea with fruity fragrance (can't remember the name). when we stepped into the cosy little place it smells of freshly baked buttery cookies. and the fragrance of the tea is a one-way ticket to England. how lovely.

HAPPY (early) BIRTHDAY STEPH! :)

2009-11-09T22:09:00.003+08:00

I submitted a response on 3 questions the professor posed to us in Media in America class last week. well, i didn't really expect to get a reply but i did. "Recommendations of interesting student bloggers". gayle goh was the first person that came to mind. so i wrote that she is one of the rare gems we have in this country. the million-dollar question that came in the email reply was- what makes her such a rare gem? yes, what indeed.

i'm not sure...maybe its the fact that no one who blogs like her is quite as well-known. well, her words caused political action. that has to count for something considering how taboo-esque and sensitve the issues regarding politics are around here. beyond that... i can't really put my finger on it. it's just the way her words reflect what's in her heart and mind- substance. they tell me that the person behind the words has a brilliantly alive and working brain. ok. i am going to send this back.

2009-11-06T18:57:00.003+08:00

Air-flown love :))

Thank you so so so much xinyi! you've no idea how much warmth your letter brings! its enough to keep me alive if i go skiing butt-naked in the cold winter. i can feel your love (and God's haha) all the way from Melbourne and getting your letter is better than a 5.0 GPA score. i'm just so filled with happiness right now. your words make me have faith in my own. :) so thank you my dear friend... i can't wait to see you again.

2009-11-05T23:34:00.002+08:00

Holy schmolly!

Time: 1h:40m:38s (gun)/ 1h:34m:28s (net)
woo-hoo!

2009-11-02T12:23:00.004+08:00

Great Eastern 10K

"Running, running as fast as I can. Do you think we'll make it, do you think we'll make it? We're running, keep holding my hand. So we don't get separated." -No Doubt, Running

Miracles happen- we crossed the finish line in under 2 hours ("mircale" is also a subjective term here but fully validated in this case since we haven't ran for anything except the bus in the last 2 years). AND. AND. AND. I'll do the 10K again. i want to. i no longer hate running. yeah. you heard me (or read, rather). running with a friend definitely makes completing the race much more attainable...and fun! so thank you terri :D (grace, i wish you were there too!)

over 10,000 women were there and there was a mom who brought her son to run with her too. despite the aching pains that imepede our motion somewhat (especially walking DOWN THE STAIRS. killer.) its a good kinda ache. each step in pain is a step in gain. i know terri is probably sick of hearing me say this but i'll say it again and again until i believe it- i can't believe we completed the 10K.

now i think i understand why people like running... there's a sense of exhilaration in knowing that your legs carry you forward. it's active, it's alive, it's the joy in knowing and being able to move. it's the revelation of a moment in time from the starting line leading to a momentum being built and before you know it, it's a major movement. running now makes me feel that every breath i take and heartbeat that happens is for something greater.

Service was..... too brilliant for words. my limited vocabulary of bombastic words won't do the description justice. so with very basic vocab- it left me speechless. i love Pastor Lia. dreams and visions don't come to pass until they become a reality inside of you first. if you dream about something, it is not going to happen because that is only hope. but if it has already happened IN you, then it is faith. it's just like being pregnant- you can't see the baby yet, but you know it's already inside of you.

2009-10-28T23:13:00.007+08:00

This is a great place...

photos from sparklette.net

and this is a great movie.

2009-10-25T15:03:00.004+08:00

I AM SO STUCK. with the cinema studies term paper that is a whopping 50% of the final grade and due at 11pm. i haven't even written the title and my name. talk about progress. could've been at service... what is there to say about a film when you've got absolutely nothing to say! except yeah it was rather enjoyable and somewhat poignant and meaningful but when the credits roll your memories of whatever you've just seen just roll along and disappear right off the top of the screen. waltz with bashir... more like just waltz with bahhh.

2009-10-22T22:22:00.004+08:00

pictures from deviantart

“There's night and day, brother, both sweet things; sun, moon, and stars, brother, all sweet things; there's likewise a wind on the heath. Life is very sweet, brother; who would wish to die?”
-George Borrow

2009-10-22T01:05:00.001+08:00

DIG THIS.

perfectly synchronised. our media in america instructor showed it to us haha! life needs a good, albeit brainless, laugh once in a while.

2009-10-20T23:30:00.001+08:00

Thank You that i do not suffer alone...that my tears are not for nothing.

2009-10-18T22:51:00.003+08:00

ALL 3 DAYS! Breakthrough! happy happy happy ((: on a side note, 500 days was somewhat of a disappointment. indie-factor: 5 stars. entertainment factor: 5 stars. chemsitry between cast: 5 stars. witty lines: 5 stars. ending: no stars. so, i fell in love wrongly this time.

2009-10-13T00:06:00.005+08:00

courtesy of deviantart.com

When the world falls quiet and you can hear yourself breathing, do you count the stars?

When you are all by yourself and no one is listening, do you watch the cars?

Things happen every second every moment every heartbeat every breath every blink of an eye everyday everytime everywhere.

But do you care enough?

2009-10-12T00:23:00.001+08:00

Here at the funny farm

walking around in the estate at night can be fun when you make it happen that way. (:

2009-10-11T01:04:00.002+08:00

We have reaped or are reaping what others have sown and laboured. How much more true can that be. Everything good that we have now is a result of someone's efforts in the past.

wonder when will i ever get to watch 500 days of (summer). you know you've fallen in love with something when it is always on your mind even when you don't consciously think about it. when you try to forget it, it has its way of creeping back into your head. and it stays there for a long time. and when it is there it makes you happy for no reason at all other than the fact that you are in love with it. which is enough reason in itself already actually.

2009-10-08T01:44:00.002+08:00

Took this from Joyce's blog-
Philippians 4:6-7

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Uni. life has always been a race from start to finish without much of an opportunity to catch our breaths. midterms are hurdles lined on the track, one after another... so we keep jumping, running, jumping, running. and it goes on for a long, long tine. sleep never seems to be enough, before we fall into bed we're already hearing the alarm's cry for us to answer the call of the day's tasks. but God helps us get through it all. always. that's all that matters, really.

2009-09-29T13:07:00.005+08:00

Put your records on- Corrine Bailey Rae
this song takes you back some.

coutesy of deviantart.com

Three little birds, sat on my window.
And they told me I don't need to worry.
Summer came like cinnamon
So sweet,
Little girls double-dutch on the concrete.
Maybe sometimes, we've got it wrong, but it's alright
The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same
Oh, don't you hesitate.

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favorite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.

have a listen.(right click "save target as")
http://music.kaixin001.com/pic/music/10/17/100905.mp3

2009-09-26T00:12:00.003+08:00

new indie film on the radar!

2009-09-24T01:23:00.001+08:00

The power of giving comes not from the pocket but from the heart.

2009-09-19T22:53:00.004+08:00

bad blood and lost scrolls

i tried donating blood for the first time in all of 21 years today but got rejected because my blood did not have enough iron according to the blob that did not sink in the copper sulphate solution ): and i still do not know my blood type. oh well.

in a moment of impromptu desire, i decided to catch the Dead Sea Scrolls exhibition at the arts house before it ends this sunday. yes, alone. the self-reflective, peaceful and pensieve me-time i was looking forward to was robbed by the mob of people swarming into the arts house as i neared its entrance. for a moment i wanted to turn back and leave but obviously that would have been totally dumb. well, even though i didn't get the quiet stroll i originally envisioned the visit was still rather good. museums are beautiful places, did i ever tell anyone that? it's perfect for a nice afternoon outing by yourself (minus the crowd). the Bible has been re-written and translated countless times! ok there's a figure of course but i can't remember. there are so many versions and so many languages and so many parts and so many pieces. it is unimaginable to think that this little powerful black book sitting on the shelf was such a rare and highly sought-after thing centuries ago because then, only a privileged few got to own one. and theirs were mega-sized.

after the visit, i got myself the old-school ice cream cone with the mixed flavours of corn, strawberry, chocolate etc that my sec sch friends and i used to get after school at redhill mrt. i've never realised how magnificent cavanagh bridge is. a couple was taking their wedding shots on it as i walked past. the ang-moh groom had his asian bride up in his arms while the photographer was on the ground, shouting directions for their poses from a distance away. they look quite sweet haha. singapore river had a certain nostalgic feel for a moment too as i wandered along, trying to finish my cone before the mrt entrance came up too soon. i should do this more often.

2009-09-14T23:32:00.001+08:00

I am half-drowned in the constant upward swim towards seeing the light of all the chem knowledge and the heap of indecipherable information that lunged at us right from the start of this new, yet old, cycle of studying.

SO. Reading and writing have always been my paradise of escape. some people escape into sports, some into shopping and others into other things, of course. but who can fathom why i have chosen pen, paper and words or their wonderful union, or perhaps, they have chosen me.

reading sometimes stirs up a truckload of emotions and amongst them is the undeniable urge to write. like the pen forming these letters with each stroke, curve and dot can somehow quantify and validate what i am feeling inside...like how these words are the physical, eternal and marked manifestations of the inner turmoils, escalating joy and mellow dwellings of my heart. sometimes they make perfect sense...other times they make perfect nonsense. aren't we all written into being, and written off the same way?

2009-09-07T00:00:00.000+08:00

the stupid internet is driving me crazy arrrgghhh!!!

grace is 21 yay! we're all oldy-mouldy now.

2009-09-01T23:26:00.000+08:00

check out this FANTASTIC WEBSITE!
www.lookbook.nu

2009-08-27T23:43:00.001+08:00

Yesterday, school was a breath of fresh air for the first time since the new semester began. You know how sometimes in life you've good and bad days? Well, yesterday was one of the best days i've had so far. it broke the spell of lousy days. It started with the much dreaded Cinema Studies tutorial. For the past 2 weeks i've been wondering if i've made a bad decision because i couldn't quite seem to find my bearings in class. everyone's like from comm. studies and i couldn't really tune into a frequency of thought similar to theirs so everything my tutorial mates shared sounded like greek to me. because i felt very much like an odd-ball coming from some far-flung continent of study such as chemistry. Like, what is a CHEMISTRY student doing in a Cinema studies class?? so for 2 weeks i carried this self-imposed stigma. it didn't help that we are studying silent films now which, if i may add, are absolutely mind-deteriorating things because they do not stimulate any mental activity. But yesterday's tutorial sort of made me see the much needed light and i sort of found my footing after treading in unfamiliar waters for a while. i hope i don't lose this footing in the days to come. we watched snippets from Johnnie To's Breaking News and Wong Kar Wai's In the Mood for Love to study the techniques of long shot and jump cut. i actually understood everything that was discussed so now i feel less intimidated and insecure. stepping out of your comfort zone is not the most comfortable feeling. DUH.

Lunch was a non-exciting meal of vegetarian food sans mock meat, of course. I have nothing against vegetarian food except the mock meat concept. Why do they want to disguise veggie as meat when the nature of their product is non-meat? You're vegetarian so just SELL VEGETABLES AS THEY ARE. not vegetabled char siew.

Ensuite was the most intellectually stimulating class I've had for a long time. Media in America. For some unfathomable reason (which i suspect is purely psychological) it turned out to be entirely different from the lecture i attended of the same course 2 sems back which left me in a state of confusion and made me promptly drop the course that very night. Maybe it's the lecture theatre, maybe the lecturer taught in a totally different way, maybe it's because my friends are here now. whatever it is, the course and i clicked in ways that surpassed my (biasedly influenced to be low based on previous bad impression) expectations. We watched an immensely moving video called Dying to Tell the Story. It's about a photojournalist named Dan Eldon who literally gave his life to tell of the plight of the people in the war-torn country of Somalia through his lenses. There's just something about the intensity of the passion of journalists like him and something about the core of their very being that resonates through our hearts and minds in ways that we sometimes cannot even begin to find the words to explain. It's incredibly revelational to know that God made people like Dan Eldon.

to end off this really great day, i didn't for a second feel sleepy in 311 which is a significant breakthrough because i've been struggling to fight it for some time now. it's proof that my prayers have been answered. Thank God for being God. after that, steph and i hanged out with the cbc freshies and the phrase "heart to heart" is now lodged in my mind. they are truly a great bunch of people to be around. they're very real and it's not so easy to find people like them these days.if i were in harry potter, it'd be like drinking a vial of Felix Felicis.

IT's GOING TO BE ANOTHER MEGA WEEKEND this sat and sun! Heart Of God Church's 10th anniversary from 5-8pm then Pastor How's birthday celebration from 8.15 till dunno when. i so look forward to the WONDERBOYS performing Nobody But You HAHAHA i wonder whether Pastor will laugh or be immensely worried or both. :P on sunday we're having Dr. Phil Pringle come preach! his name always makes me think of pringles potato chips. i'm really excited! now to think of what to wear...

2009-08-19T21:45:00.001+08:00

i missed g zone and i am feeling guilty. :( joyce chua came all the way to our house on sunday to give me a box of polar tarts (the 6 in a box set with different fruit on top of every tart) after service and i was stunned into a state of surrealism by her appearance. THANK YOU JOYCE YOU MADE MY DAY (AND NIGHT :P)!!!

note to self: sleep EARLY. it sounds so easy but it is so freaking difficult to do. RARRR! why is it that the night never seems long enough and the day can't be any shorter.

2009-08-15T00:27:00.002+08:00

And the best day of the week goes to....

OHMYGOODNESS what a day man! i woke up at freaking 5.30am (first time in years ok...years!) then met sabrina and went for prayer meeting. i was so glad i went seriously... it's been a long time since i felt so empowered by prayer and so blessed by God's presence. Pastor erm... Tan ( i think cos he's not from our church) is really right when he said we need to find joy in doing all the things that have grown mundane and routine to us over time again... like reading the Bible and praying. true to our trademark weirdness, our cg just started talking about gossip girls right after prayer meeting ended. i think it was sabrina's bag that started it haha.

we had cg breakfast at subway and that was when the physical tiredness came in. we were all like urrgghhh and yawning everywhere while reminiscing about what radio progs we grew up with. cos subway was playing songs like N'sync (how long was that man! primary school?) and 98 degrees. so i got down to bugis with sab and went off to meet my aunt. bugis village at pre-opening hours is unbelievably lacking in life. such a rare sight. to walk in one straight line without weaving in and out between throngs of people is a pleasure. iluma is sadly lacking in everything. atmosphere, excitement, life, customers. but the jap restaurant we ate at was quite good. interesting ordering concpet with the fat ordering pen that recites your order and its quantity. feels a bit like harry potter... but without the magic. ok i dunno what i'm typing really i need to sleep soon.

so anyway, my aunt went to bugis village for the first time in her life as a singaporean living for a few (age is sensitive) decades here already. we walked so much my feet hurt and stank. i bought jeans for 20 bucks! highlight of the day. my aunt didn't buy anything though she now knows that bugis village is not as horrendous as she imagined it to be...i mean, its cha tu chak but with wider lanes and better ventilation. then i headed to store and just when i thought i could sit down and rest my almost shrivelled feet (having stood all the way on the train ride) people had to come in and purchase things blah blah blah. then after that i got to sit down but had to do some other stuff for ramesh and 2 hours just flew and finally i headed back to bugis again to meet sab for dinner at the temporary albert something hawker. cheap and good food.

and then headed to church again for writing ministry. we're given a very interesting topic to write- LOVE. it's the one word sort of thing. and then things got even more interesting during building maintenance cos we girls got to go to the male toilets which hasn't happened since probably our very young and very much missed childhood days when our fathers had to bring us to pee and we would catch a glimpse of the opposite gender's relief retreat and wonder in our curious little minds what those white basin-like things stuck on the walls are for and where is the hole that the pee should go into. and the most mind-boggling thing being why the guys don't have to take off their pants and they can pee and not dirty their pants in any way. it was the greatest mystery. to me, at least.

anyway where was i... oh cleaning toilets. yeah so i found out that male toilets are MUCH cleaner than female toilets but its so ironic that we females are much more anal about cleanliness than our male counterparts. the toilets are surprisingly the most crowded with eager volunteers... but for some reason the heat was sweltering inside. imagine having to do your business and sweat at the same time.

so the day ended with a very short debrief and finally home sweet home. its like coming full circle today and even though i am tired like you cannot believe i'm also happy like you (maybe) don't understand. all right. discipleship class tomorrow! wonder who's sharing ((: and we're singing Free by Hillsong for service! good night world.

2009-08-12T23:14:00.000+08:00

I wake up in the morning, put on my face. The one that's gonna get me through another (school) day.

1.school has started. what else is new?

2. first lecture and first "crime" committed- i fell asleep (for 5-10 mins but it still counts)

3. old, familiar boredom has evolved into new numbness

4. surprise of the day- attending a maths module willingly, understanding the content and sitting through it till the end (but still with one inevitable dozing off episode).

5. shopping for a new phone with a suffocating budget is no fun.

2009-08-10T21:27:00.000+08:00

Feelings in question

There's a heavy feeling in my heart

The cause and reason of which unknown

Like a sack of rice or flour

Out of nothingness it seems to have grown

Perhaps it's because from tomorrow on

The holidays are undeniably over

It's time to move on to the next part of life

Much to my reluctance i discover

Been sitting around in comfort too long, i suppose

Now it's hard to get up and move

The unpredictability of the days to come

It's like seeing a rabbit grow hooves

I can't decide whether to be excited and pumped

Or be completely anxious with worrisome gloom

These crazy feelings are brewing in a pot

Just waiting to explode with an almighty boom

3 months feel like 3 years and yet somehow

They also feel like 3 weeks

I don't know why i wrote this poem at all

Nor do the questions to which the answers i seek.

2009-08-09T19:12:00.001+08:00

If you want something you've never had before, you gotta do something you've never done before.

2009-08-07T23:50:00.001+08:00

We will not grow old.

another long overdue update... school in a few days' time and so begins the next cycle. whee. all right SPMS FOC 09. interesting and memorable experience to say the least. met a lot of unique characters. this is one of the few things i'll bring along when i leave ntu. countless little stories and incidences here and there, some hilarious, some disturbing (but still stomach-achingly hilarious) and some not so pleasant. one thing's for sure- it was fun (: except the food. i'm not going to eat chai-fan for ages. don't know how i'd have survived without Stephanie- the ultimate camp guru to any noob female camper out there. she'll one day publish a book called- The Camp Survival Guide for GIRLS. in it there will be wonderful tips on how not to embarrass yourself by dropping a piece or two of underwear on the way to shower and how to make your seemingly stuffed bag expand miraculously. i learnt so much from steph it's a pity i didn't write everything down in a notebook. precious knowledge man. amazing race was...amazing. because the guys seemed to have ever-expandable lungs that can somehow do gaseous exchange at alarming rates. i admit- it's the best exercise i did this entire holiday. but i ate it all back already :( had a real impromptu day at sentosa when steph and i took an unplanned tour around the island. we met a french old couple with their adorable granddaughter, ate ben and jerry's (part of the weight-gain contribution) and went to play LUGE. exhilarating experience for us luge noobs. steph was unduly worried on the sky-train ride up, paranoid that we looked like lesbos and pissed at a staff who called her Sebastian because of her t-shirt bearing her bro's name. our OG is surprisingly united and somehow the mix of people seemed good together though there're a few quiet ones. they're a funny bunch. being a nanny to a group of boisterous, energetic and enthusiastic freshies just makes me feel... old. haha. but in a good way. the luge noobs!

had a great time at our all time favourite Coca restaurant eating steamboat on a nice rainy day with Terri and Grace (: ion orchard is... overrated? a little messy and confusing too. but oooh the toilets are lovely. posh and classy and they make a good photoshoot environment. i like that the shops are arranged in order of class and affordability in ascending order from the ground level. so we know our locus and can dwell in the undergrowth of the building. the 3 of us did some serious but happy digging at zara. 70%!!! it's really fun to shop with friends and go in and out of the dressing room showing each other our outfits haha. then we nua-ed a bit at coffee bean. it was such a pleasurable and decadent afternoon man. i wonder if this is how tai-tais live. only up the shopping bit by a few notches with bills having a few more zeroes before the decimal place.

school is starting and i'm not looking forward to it at all. boo. but on the brighter side, i can see my friends again! smart sze, sherm and deqi, steph plus liping! and i get to go back to work at the store which frankly speaking, i enjoy doing a lot haha. it gives an insider's view to things. ok so school may not be so bad after all wow i'm great at psychoing myself.

2009-07-26T23:53:00.000+08:00

There has been a SLIGHT improvement to my parking skills though the number of times i cannot aim the car's rear into the lot on the first try greatly outnumbers that which i can. at this rate, i do wonder when i can ever go solo. should i be looking at car insurances and the likes? anyway, i've been purchasing cheap electronic goods recently but it wasn't really planned or anything. like 10 bucks for a hairdryer and a 12.90 telephone. ikea was packed with people this afternoon as we made our way to get my sister a proper table. well, it was the usual kind of family outing with an inevitable touch of exasperation but that's what makes it familial...that distinctly familiar characteristic.

FOC camp is a mere day away and i have not packed. but the list is solidly there all right. somehow i think i am mad for actually feeling that making the list is more important than the physical act of packing because i feel more secure with the list existing and the bag empty than the other way round. mental, i know.

harry potter and the deathly hallows is the book that took me places when i was sitting on the couch in our old home and it still takes me places now. i sincerely hope they do justice to the book in the final instalment of the movie because the films from the 4th one onwards have been going downhill. it's time for a lift. i hope it ends with a bang and not with a dull thud of heavy disappointment. suddenly i am gripped by this strong urge to re-watch the first one where things are much simpler and hence more enjoyable and where a climax existed. plus ron and harry looked MUCH (times a thousand) cuter and aesthetically-pleasing when they were in there. no complaints about emma watson. like daniel radcliffe said, "Emma was never ugly."

2009-07-23T23:10:00.002+08:00

"Rape is rape is rape. An extreme form of violence and violation. Rape of a woman by her husband should be treated just like any other kind of rape. Abolish marital rape immunity. There can be no exceptions."
www.notorape.com

2009-07-15T17:22:00.004+08:00

Thank you, my friends ((:

this is overdue sorry... first off, thank you everyone for just being there. your presence is deeply appreciated. ok...presenting the credit roll for my 21st bday gathering:

1. Terri and Grace- for the stunning necklace i will definitely wear very often and this is like a very big thing because i basically have no attraction to jewellery of any kind.

2. Xuyun, Lydia and Mag- for the very pretty skirt and the very cool wallet both of which i really like a lot esp. the wallet! oh but nothing beats the poker cards.

3. Sze, Liping, Sherm, Steph and Deqi- for the F21 and Kino vouchers. shopping for clothes and books is an awesome combination of retail therapy.

4. Mom- for the food, cake and the very special card hoho.and for being my mom.

5. Dad- for the digi photo frame and erm... osim eye massager (??!!)

6. Popo- for the golden key!

7. Aunt Angie- for the super tai-tai wallet that i really don't know when i'll use (but from which inspired xuyun to have a wise revelation: never judge a present by its wrapping paper.)

8. Uncle Jack- for the present that cost enough to feed a small African village for a month.

9. Yifan- for rushing down from a crazy busy schedule and eating the food.

1o. Peck, Louisa and Isabel- for taking the trouble to come down with a gigantic sunflower but the ultimate present was their presence.

11. bin and jian- for being my daily dosage of irritants. with love, of course.

and thanks to all those who left me facebook messages or sms-es (though most of them won't be reading this haha.)once again, what did i do to deserve such God-given people?

2009-07-14T00:50:00.004+08:00

People say I'm the life of the party

Because I tell a joke or two

Although I might be laughing loud and hearty

Deep inside I'm blue

So take a good look at my face

You'll see my smile looks out of place

If you look closer, it's easy to trace

The tracks of my tears.

Tracks of my Tears

Smokey Robinson & The Miracles

2009-07-09T18:42:00.003+08:00

Xinyi sends her love all the way from Melbourne and it arrived yesterday!!

and all these from my friends at church ((: (though i don't like pink, i love my friends.)

2009-07-09T00:37:00.002+08:00

Ain't she beautiful? i wish i were a guy just so i can fall in love with her.

2009-07-04T00:12:00.001+08:00

Where's the love

2009-07-01T17:08:00.002+08:00

this has got to be the most fulfilling day at the chem store so far, considering i'm only slacking now when it's near knock-off time. there's music playing from someone's computer, all of us are absorbed in our own worlds and nobody is talking. no delievery man coming in to interrupt, no students coming down to bother us with their supplies list nor smelly waste solvents, no professors or anybody else filling the room with dull mechanical terms in their conversations.

it just feels like i'm not in the store anymore. i think i like working here.

2009-06-30T22:38:00.006+08:00

We've so many guest speakers at Heart of God recently! Pastor Joaquim preached over the past weekend and there're 2 more pastors coming for the next 2 weeks.

Pastor Kent Munsey is the executive lead pastor of City Church Chicago and his dad, Pastor Steve Munsey, was in our church just a few months back! Pastor Steve is the pastor of one of the recent American Idol top 3 contestants- Danny Gokey, who's a worship leader in his church! how cool is that man... like having a small part of american idol right in our church. i still remember Pastor Steve's theatrical sermon. it was like a musical/play and the best part was that he was a one-man show that brought down the entire house that day. we were all shell-shocked by his amazing abilities to make us sit up, watch, hang on to his every word and move, cry and laugh altogether. i felt like i was in some old London theatre watching a play. i really look forward to his son's sermon this weekend. though i doubt he'll be acting like his father did, i'm still excited to hear what he's got to share with us. Pastor Kent's area of focus is on family and youths. He's coming down on 4-5 july. here's a vid!

the next weekend is A.R. Bernard! i don't really know who he is but apparently he's one of the big wigs in the political and financial arena of new york.

"A. R. Bernard Sr. is the President of the Council of Churches of the City of New York representing 1.5 million Protestants, Anglicans and Orthodox Christians.
Bernard sits on the NYC Economic Development Corporation Board; NYC School Chancellor’s Advisory Cabinet and served on Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s 2001 Transition Team." (www.arbernard.com)

sounds like a big wig all right haha. it's going to be his first time here in Heart of God. but more than being a big wig, i think Rev. Bernard's sermon is going to be full of anointing and great insights (:

2009-06-23T23:33:00.006+08:00

THIS IS FREAKING HILARIOUS :D

WATCH IT!

2009-06-23T00:20:00.005+08:00

nyaaaa~ there's so much going on and so much that has happened. to pick up the pieces strewn all over and arrange them nicely is rather laborious for my mind which happens to be not functioning very well so... i'll try.

Discipleship class has started and so far it's been a blast (spiritually speaking haha). i love it when the leaders share their stories and experiences with us. the feeling is like drinking tons and tons of clear water when you're desperately thirsty... you just keep drinking and drinking and it's only water but it just tastes so good. it's really an excellent platform to learn and receive from our leaders and to get closer to them and pastors. i always felt this barrier and gap between us normal church-goers and pastors and leaders because somehow they seem so high up there, far away and out of reach. and there's always this feeling like we're standing on different steps of the staircase. but discipleship class removed that barrier and closed up the gap quite a bit.

Zone camp! hohoho. woah i don't think i'm going to write down every single thing that happened it's too much to dig and gather from my brain. well, all i can say is, being part of the team that made it happen has been one of the greatest achievements in my otherwise pathetically mundane life. seeing people enjoy themselves and having fun is the best free reward there is on earth. the feeling is definitely vastly different- being a camper who waits for things to happen, and being a programmer who makes things happen.

one of the many funny things that happened was us burning a huge-ass hole in the resort's wooden stool because we placed an aluminium tray of hot charcoal to cool. then we had to dispose of the evidence by asking our transportationally-equipped friend to drive to some ulu corner and dump it. felt like criminals man. i wondered if they prayed about it after that. but the stupid money-sucker resort would probably make us pay for the abandoned chair they didn't even know existed if we told them. they charge us such exorbitant prices like 200 bucks for a bbq pit that's smaller than a kopitiam tray and 800 bucks for their function room decked with clashing chandliers and hanging thingamajigs plus a badly positioned disco ball. HELLO. i thought i dropped 1 buck in the room and felt super distressed cos we shouldn't give them anymore money but thank God the dollar was in my bag all along. HA. sorry but i am fully entitled to be a miser here. 1 dollar is too expensive to grace their stinking carpet floors. sorry for all the complaining but everything was well worth it cos we had dollops of fun ((:

what else arh... ooh transformers! robots in disguise! (cue music) it's going to be first ever outing with just my siblings in ages! i'm actually very very grateful that even though we have issues within our family, the 3 of us are like a team and suddenly i can't wait for all of us to be older so we can have the freedom to do whatever we want...together. thank God, really, that He gave me my sister and brother. they can be the world's greatest morons whom i've felt like punching countless times but i still love them (luckily neither of them reads this haha.)

all right. i think i've squeezed my brains dry... especially since i just rushed to submit drafts for like 5 write-ups. this is writer's dehydration man. good nighty!

2009-06-14T14:50:00.003+08:00

My brother got saved on 13 June 2009, Saturday, at a Zone F service in Heart of God church. (:

2009-06-05T23:21:00.000+08:00

Tee hee hee

2009-06-03T23:21:00.003+08:00

there's a dam of words waiting to gush out but somehow typing them out is just not the same as writing every alphabet down... there's something about the contact of a pen's tip with paper, the mild sound of scratching when one writes, each letter forming up as the ink continues flowing, each curve each stroke each dot and comma... every movement is different. unlike the monotonous tapping of fingers on keyboard, writing with a pen somehow gives life to the words we create. well, the pen is a writer's sword... so it is mightier than the keyboard. i've no idea why i'm being so.... i don't know. is there a word for this state of being? the night tends to have this effect on me. it just makes me think...but not really think. its like releasing a whole flock of birds from their cages from a high tower and watching them fly out of the windows, far far away until they eventually disappear from sight.

2009-05-31T00:36:00.005+08:00

quick updates (cos once again i am lazy):

1. my father's car is freaking difficult to drive. almost died. parking is a nightmare.

2. sze hui's party was REALLY good! love the apple crumble yum!

3. xuyun's party was awesome too. never thought i'd laugh so much. her house seems bigger.

4. i love this new skin.

5. i help my brother cut his hair and gave him a helmet head.

2009-05-21T22:12:00.002+08:00

I PASSED!!!

now that i'm never going to see that place ever again (i think.) i'm beginning to miss it. yeah, crazy. i know. during the warm-up, i wasn't nervous or anything but in the waiting room was when suddenly i can hear the BADUM-BADUM-BADUM damn loudly. so i did the only thing i could think of- i read my bible. Hebrews 10:35- Therefore do not cast away your confidence, that has great reward." thank GOD that He gave me a very non-intimidating instructor who picked a very smooth and easy route (test route 5) with no U-turns, no need to do agressive lane changing, practically nothing. thank you Grace for accompanying me to bbdc and giving the support, encouragement and help. your presence totally made all the difference. thank you Terri, though i wasn't operating a plane, i did fly like a bird in a metaphorical sense. thank you Shermaine for your sms which made me tell myself all the more that i must pass...and i did ((: ok... i still can't fully grasp the fact but the hype has more or less died down. now what?